Aliens

Aliens

Whether they're from a distant galaxy, the Milky Way, or our own solar system, the aliens are here. Do they hide just outside our view or do they mingle among us? How do they perpetrate this global cover-up? Do they collude with our governments or is this a massive demonstration of mind control?
 
It's up to you, expose the aliens!

Are you worried about war with an alien race? If not, you should be, it's already happening! The initial invasion began in Roswell New Mexico back in 1947. The invasion was repelled but an arms race has been going on ever since. I was able to to tap into a transmission from a secret United States assault ship, judge for yourself:

Yes, the Captain was correct. We were not prepared for the enemy's devastating new "5 O'clock Shadow Ray". Don't give up hope. The secret scientists of the "World Defense League" are already preparing for our next encounter.

Electric Razor

With the help of Gillette Incorporated, a defensive weapon is already under construction. This war is "Top Secret" but I must expose the truth to my loyal readers.

 

The Democratic National Committee servers were hacked during the 2016 presidential campaign. This is a fact.

Hacked

But by who? Was it the Russians? Was it the Republicans? Was it some guy in his parents basement? None of the above! I now have proof of the actual culprits. I was able to retrieve this short film clip from an AT&T communications satellite:

After months of tireless study, I was able translate the gestures of these alien creatures. This was a meeting of the intergalactic counsel of moral sentient beings. Watch as they animatedly discuss the discovery that Anthony Weiner has been "sexting" with Betsleblitx, the teenage daughter of the high governor of the Crab Nebula.

No Sexting

Calmer intellects ruled out a military response. It was agreed that a cyber attack on Anthony and anyone he associated with would be the proper retribution (the Democratic equivalent of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"). The effects have been devastating and have left a divided nation.

Update: It has come to my attention that "Odd Conspiracy Central" has been labeled as a "Fake News" site. An obvious attempt to suppress this article. Apparently the government of the United States does not want it known that the first extraterrestrial communication was a inappropriate Instagram.

 

NASA has created the Office of Planetary Protection which is tasked:

To ensure that we take prudent precautions to protect Earth's biosphere in case life does exist elsewhere.

A reasonable precaution in case of an alien contact.

Alien Contact

It has been reported that a nine year old applied for the position of NASA planetary protection officer. Everybody thinks this is just a cute human interest story but it is much more. I have proof that the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) already has an elementary school aged Planetary Protection Crew in place and they have already made contact with an alien race! Don't believe me? I have secret footage that will destroy all doubt:

Why has this historic encounter been hidden from the public? Do the governments of Japan and the United States have something to hide or is suppressing information just something that governments do? Do these aliens only engage with children? I have filed an FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) request for details and I'm awaiting a response.

Update: I've been noticing suspicious looking men and women lurking (dressed in black suits and wearing dark glasses). I see them at my job, in my grocery store, at my Starbucks. Did I hit a nerve? I'm on the run now, in fear for my life, but I will not give up my quest for the truth!

Update: In the interest of full disclosure, I have discovered that there was a convention of "Blues Brothers" impersonators at the community center on the day I started noticing agents in dark suits and glasses. I understand this is a marginally acceptable explanation for what I've been experiencing but I remain skeptical.

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