Politics

Politics

Pry open the doors on the smoke filled rooms. Air out the politicians to public scrutiny.

If you want to talk about political polar opposites, Chris Christie and Elizabeth Warren could be considered the definition.

Warren Christie

What you didn't know, in the seventies, in Asbury Park, Chris and Elizabeth used to be an item. They were a couple until one fateful summer night in July, 1978. Chris was looking forward to the Springsteen gig at the Stone Pony but they were running late (apparently Elizabeth was still "putting on her face").

Springsteen

Seating was limited so he called some friends at NJDOT (New Jersey Department of Transportation) and talked them into closing the Main St. bridge over Deal Lake to buy some time. After arriving at the concert, Chris, thinking it would impress her, told Elizabeth how he had closed a bridge for her. It had the opposite effect. Elizabeth screamed at him calling him a "fascist", an "entitled redneck", and a "traffic diverting philistine". They left in the middle of the concert, Chris' tail between his legs (his friends called him "whipped Christie" for weeks after). After they got home, Chris was angry but, as Elizabeth was known to be somewhat "high maintenance", he did try to smooth the waters as this home security video shows:

But the damage was done. Shortly after, Elizabeth moved to Massachusetts to begin her successful political career. Chris, riding a wave of popularity, remained in New Jersey (two ships passing in the night). Ask Chris Christie or Elizabeth Warren about their affair and they will both vehemently deny it. Try and deny it now Chris and Lizzie (Chris and Lizzie sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G).

 

It's all over the news, you can't miss it. "Trump colluded with the Russians", "Obama hid evidence of the Russians", "the Republican National Committee colluded with Breitbart", "the Democratic National Committee colluded with CNN". The accusations are flying in every direction. What are we suppose to believe? I can now prove that all the allegations are a smoke screen perpetrated by politicians and media on both the left and the right to cover-up the most heinous of collisions. That's right, the unholy union of Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi!!!

Trump Pelosi

Impossible you say, where could these two bitter enemies find common ground? Money of course, the root of all evil (romance rumors are floating around but I have no definitive proof to report on these allegations, no "Fake News" here). Once I was able to decipher their ingeniously encoded company name...

Pump Trelosi

Everything fell into place. This highly profitable company specializes in the manufacturing (in China of course) and sale of items geared to the current political climate. "Make America Great Again" and "Not My President" T-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, signs, stationary, chewing gum, mylar balloons. You name it, they make it. No wonder there is such heated rhetoric, it boosts the bottom line. Take a look at their latest shameful contrivance:

Shakespeare in the Park

That's right, the official "Shakespeare in the Park" comfy seat cushion. Shame on you both for converting passions to profits!

 

In the Trump administration, international relationships are intense. Between North Korea, Iran, China, Russia, et al., we seem to be constantly on the brink of war. Disturbing? It would be disturbing except it's all a cover up. That's right, a cover up of Donald Trump's true agenda: The Complete Domination Of International Golfing!

Trump Golf

Impossible you say? At great personal risk I was able to obtain a copy of this top secret Air Force footage of the dark op, code name "Operation 18 Hole Neutralization":

That's right, that was the historical Rossdhu Mansion at Loch Lomond Golf Club completely annihilated by a B-2 Stealth Bomber. Oh, the humanity! Come on Donald, was it really worth this just to host the Scottish Open??

 

Pages

Add a new conspiracy

Filtered HTML

  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <blockquote> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.