Politics

Politics
Pry open the doors on the smoke filled rooms. Air out the politicians to public scrutiny.

John Kasich is known for his political career as a senator from the great state of Ohio. What is less known about him is John's early singing career. While attending The Ohio State University, John supplemented his income as the lead singer for his band "The Poli Sci Alpha Sigma Phi Stoners".

Pot Guitar

John has tried desperately to hide his past musical pursuits as "The Poli Sci Alpha Sigma Phi Stoners" where known as a party band and some of his "gigs" got pretty wild. Sorry John, you can't deny this rare footage I found of one of your groovy reefer crazed beach bashes at Put-in-Bay.

Hey John, don't Bogart that joint!

 

Turkey, a country in turmoil not known for it's freedom of information. This is what Bettie Anne DuBois soon found out while writing a story for the Birmingham Elementary School Student Gazette. She discovered that president Recep Tayyip Erdogan had been a tuba player in the Ankara Junior High School marching band.

Tuba

She also discovered that Erdogan had been kicked out for stealing and eating all the band candy (there were no new uniforms that year). While she was uploading her story, officers from the General Directorate of Security smashed down the door and arrested her.

Jailhouse

She was charged with disclosing state secrets and sentenced to five years in prison. In addition, she is required every day to write on a chalkboard 100 times "I will not write mean things about president Erdogan".

Shirley Temple

Why hasn't this miscarriage of justice been publicized? Apparently the nations of the European Union and NATO consider their relationship with Turkey tenuous and don't want to increase tensions.

Update: The leaders of the nations around the world were preparing to uniformly demand the release of Bettie Anne until Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, vetoed the plan. She was heard to say " Bettie Anne is a bad bad girl and shouldn't write dreadful things about president Erdogan".

 

There have been rumors about the connections between the Clinton and Trump families but these are only rumors. I will now expose the secret that both families have tried so hard to suppress. Years back, Eric Trump and Chelsea Clinton made a run for the border to get married!

Wedding

Yes, it's true. Preposterous you say? Try arguing with this film clip:

Their plans ended when Secret Service agents caught up and dragged them back to their perspective homes. Under threat of being involuntarily committed for "therapeutic emotional treatment", the two parted ways. Do they still pine for each other or are they just two ships that passed in the night?

 

Much has been made of the United Kingdom's possible withdrawal from the European Union (Brexit) but practically nothing has been broadcast about a new movement to leave the Commonwealth (Commonwexit). This movement, started in Scotland by the UKIP party, is gaining a surprising amount of support even without publicity.

Scotland

In fact, David Coburn was heard to say in a recent speech in Aberdeen, and I quote: "Who needs the Commonwealth, they take our best Scotch and all we get back is Kiwi Fruit and Boomerangs".

Kiwi Boomerang

Remember, you heard it first here on Odd Conspiracy Central.

 

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