Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • It seems the Catholic Church has been trying to increase it's outreach for new, younger congregates. Not only is it attempting to address contemporary views, it is presenting a more welcoming environment. With this in mind, the Vatican initiated a new construction project.

    Vaican

    Right in the heart of Vatican City, the first ever Catholic amusement park. Why haven't you heard of this? Apparently the park was deemed unsuccessful and destroyed before the first ticket was ever sold. You don't believe me? I was able to retrieve this one video clip before all evidence was destroyed. Judge for yourself:

    This young couple from a secret focus group were the first to see the virtual reality ride "It's a Small World" in "Archbishop Land". Things only went downhill from there. I still don't understand the need for the cover-up. There's no shame in trying, just turn the other cheek.

     

  • Elena Kagan, an alumni of Princeton, Oxford, and Harvard Law School, a former law professor at the University of Chicago, and now the 112th justice appointed to the supreme court.

    Elena Kagan

    How much success can one woman have? But is it what she really wanted? What you don't know about is Elena's soulful, harmonious singing voice and her passionate love for the late 70s, early 80s disco scene. Despite her fathers threat to disown her, she ventured out on her own and launched her musical career with her band "Elena and the Hamlet People". The bands success quickly flourished. Almost a year later, Elena's mother, tears streaming, finally convinced her to visit home. Expecting an immediate confrontation with her father, she found him a heartbroken, defeated man. Music is one thing but family is another. She reluctantly decided to put aside her blossoming disco career and go back to law school. Don't believe me? I obtained one of the only remaining videos of Elena's band performing:

    You should be dancing Elena and you can ring my bell anytime.

     

     

  • Henry Way Kendall is known as one of the greatest particle physicist. He won the 1990 Nobel Prize in Physics for his participation in the originating research concerning deep inelastic scattering of electrons on protons and bound neutrons. This analysis has been of essential importance for the development of the quark model in particle physics.

    Nobel Prize

    What is not widely known is that Henry (using his nickname Harry), while acquiring his PhD at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, tried to supplement his income at a local auto repair shop. As this, for the most part unobtainable video shows, he was not entirely successful:

    I guess you should have stuck to the abstract Henry. MIT did their best to suppress this incident but the truth must be told!

     

  • Rupert Murdoch, head of the Fox Broadcasting Company, has been known to make some enemies.

    Fox Logo

    Nothing shows this more dramatically than this suppressed security footage, which at great difficulty and personal risk, I was able to obtain:

    Who was behind this assassination attempt? Was it Arianna Huffington? Was it Bill Maher? Possibly Jon Stewart? Rush Limbaugh??? Rupert was preparing a liberal witch hunt until he received an untraceable email from the "I Want To Believers" stating "No Lone Gunmen, no peace!". Apparently the "I Want To Believers", a group of fans for the short lived "The Lone Gunmen" television series were not going to take the cancellation sitting down. In secret negotiations, Rupert was able to defuse the situation by guaranteeing a minimum 30% appearance rate of the Gunmen in subsequent X-Files episodes. All evidence of this incident has been suppressed as the Fox Broadcasting Company does not want to admit to negotiating with radical fans. Suppressed until now!

     

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