Politics

Politics
Pry open the doors on the smoke filled rooms. Air out the politicians to public scrutiny.

There have been rumors about the connections between the Clinton and Trump families but these are only rumors. I will now expose the secret that both families have tried so hard to suppress. Years back, Eric Trump and Chelsea Clinton made a run for the border to get married!

Wedding

Yes, it's true. Preposterous you say? Try arguing with this film clip:

Their plans ended when Secret Service agents caught up and dragged them back to their perspective homes. Under threat of being involuntarily committed for "therapeutic emotional treatment", the two parted ways. Do they still pine for each other or are they just two ships that passed in the night?

 

Much has been made of the United Kingdom's possible withdrawal from the European Union (Brexit) but practically nothing has been broadcast about a new movement to leave the Commonwealth (Commonwexit). This movement, started in Scotland by the UKIP party, is gaining a surprising amount of support even without publicity.

Scotland

In fact, David Coburn was heard to say in a recent speech in Aberdeen, and I quote: "Who needs the Commonwealth, they take our best Scotch and all we get back is Kiwi Fruit and Boomerangs".

Kiwi Boomerang

Remember, you heard it first here on Odd Conspiracy Central.

 

There's trouble brewing in north east Canada. Embolden by Britons exit from the EU, a movement started in the small town of Kugaaruk to secede from Canada (Kugaaruxit).

Kugaaruk

Mayor Stephan Inaksajak dismissed it as drunken rabble rousing but enough signatures had been gathered to force a referendum. Stephen was also shocked to find out that the movement leader was Peter Inaksajak, his estranged brother. When voting day came, Kugaaruxit was passed with a surprisingly large margin. 52% pro, 48% against, 401 votes to 370 (amazingly there was 100% voter turnout.) Take a look at this cellphone footage recorded at the pro Kugaaruxit campaign headquarters when the votes were finally tallied (notice their distinctive voting day uniforms):

Stephan Inaksajak immediately resigned as mayor. Peter Inaksajak quickly claimed the title and sealed the deal by taking the entire town to the "Raging Moose Bar and Grill" and buying a round (call it campaigning). When a reporter inquired of Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, about Kugaaruk's intention to secede, he was heard to say "where?"

 

Elena Kagan, an alumni of Princeton, Oxford, and Harvard Law School, a former law professor at the University of Chicago, and now the 112th justice appointed to the supreme court.

Elena Kagan

How much success can one woman have? But is it what she really wanted? What you don't know about is Elena's soulful, harmonious singing voice and her passionate love for the late 70s, early 80s disco scene. Despite her fathers threat to disown her, she ventured out on her own and launched her musical career with her band "Elena and the Hamlet People". The bands success quickly flourished. Almost a year later, Elena's mother, tears streaming, finally convinced her to visit home. Expecting an immediate confrontation with her father, she found him a heartbroken, defeated man. Music is one thing but family is another. She reluctantly decided to put aside her blossoming disco career and go back to law school. Don't believe me? I obtained one of the only remaining videos of Elena's band performing:

You should be dancing Elena and you can ring my bell anytime.

 

 

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