Aliens

Aliens

Whether they're from a distant galaxy, the Milky Way, or our own solar system, the aliens are here. Do they hide just outside our view or do they mingle among us? How do they perpetrate this global cover-up? Do they collude with our governments or is this a massive demonstration of mind control?

It's up to you, expose the aliens!

In the search for extraterrestrial life forms we may need to look back 160 million years ago. Evidence has come to my attention of a visit from giant humanoids.

Spaceman

During an archaeological dig at Hell Creek Montana back in the nineteen eighties, a strange crystal was found that carbon-dated to the Jurassic Period. The crystal was filed away and forgotten until I recently rediscovered it. By analyzing the strange color pattern in the crystal I discovered it to be a digital encoding of a short audio /  video clip. Warning: this film is not for the faint of heart. Watch as these violent aliens slaughter an innocent family of Tyrannosaurus Rex.

My evidence is under dispute but hopefully these homicidal spacemen will not be returning to Earth any time soon.

 

The crash of the UFO at Roswell New Mexico has been a mystery for years. A mystery until now! I will finally  reveal the true facts of the incident. First off, a UFO actually did crash despite the attempt to cover it up. This short film clip I was able to salvage proves it:

I was able to get the true story from sergeant Micky McGregor, M.P. retired. After a few shots of rye to loosen his tongue, he told me how he and his squad pulled an alien from the burning wreckage of it's flying saucer.  It was extremely belligerent and they were forced to lock it in the drunk tank over night. The next morning the alien, with a blistering hangover, claimed it had blacked out and didn't remember anything.

Martini

All of a sudden another space craft from the IHP (Intergalactic Highway Patrol) removed it's cloaking and appeared, bubbles flashing, within the military base. Although the alien breathed nitrogen instead of oxygen and even after a night in the tank, it still blew a 0.18 in the nitro-breathalyzer. After a short discussion over jurisdiction the prisoner was turned over to the IHP. The alien was convicted of space piloting while drunk. It was fined 3000 gloplets, required to attend 15 AAA (Alien Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings, and issued a restricted license only allowing it to pilot from it's home planet to the Great Nebula in Orion and back.

Despite the government cover up, you may now see the sleazy details.

 

You'll only see it here on Odd Conspiracy Central. Shortly after the Juno spacecraft obtained stable orbit around Jupiter, It sent back this short film clip:

Who are they? What are they, What are they doing? Are they preparing an invasion? NASA immediately informed President Obama who put all armed forces on highest alert (DEFCON 1). Interplanetary war was narrowly avoid when the following audio message was received: "We, the peaceful inhabitants of Ganymede, are alarmed and confused by your aggressive actions. We have taken no hostile action on your space probe even after it interrupted the annual Splizzzdert family barbecue.

Barbecue

As we were gathering on the patio, Uncle Cribbxotw noticed your arrival while parking his RV. Please cease all hostilities or we will be forced to respond."

"P.S. In Jupiter culture, It is considered rude to film private family events without requesting prior permission."

All armed forces were ordered to stand down and the event has been classified "Top Secret". "Top Secret" except for here, your source of the truth.

 

The Democratic National Committee servers were hacked during the 2016 presidential campaign. This is a fact.

Hacked

But by who? Was it the Russians? Was it the Republicans? Was it some guy in his parents basement? None of the above! I now have proof of the actual culprits. I was able to retrieve this short film clip from an AT&T communications satellite:

After months of tireless study, I was able translate the gestures of these alien creatures. This was a meeting of the intergalactic counsel of moral sentient beings. Watch as they animatedly discuss the discovery that Anthony Weiner has been "sexting" with Betsleblitx, the teenage daughter of the high governor of the Crab Nebula.

Betsleblitx

Calmer intellects ruled out a military response. It was agreed that a cyber attack on Anthony and anyone he associated with would be the proper retribution (the Democratic equivalent of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"). The effects have been devastating and have left a divided nation.

Update: It has come to my attention that "Odd Conspiracy Central" has been labeled as a "Fake News" site. An obvious attempt to suppress this article. Apparently the government of the United States does not want it known that the first extraterrestrial communication was a inappropriate Instagram.

 

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