Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • Breaking a Verizon wireless contract is impossible. No one has ever done it, there's no reason to even try.

    Cellphone

    At least that's what Verizon wants you to believe. What you won't here about is Tommy Terino. Tommy  was not satisfied with his service and decided he was going to break his contract no matter what. Impossible you say? Decide after you view this suppressed security footage of Tommy visiting the highly fortified Verizon Wireless store in Sante Fe New Mexico:

    So you CAN break your Verizon contract but I recommend military training.

     

  • Anthony Weiner just can't seem to control himself. Give him a camera and it's Weiner on the net. One thing about Anthony, he is resilient. With all the scandal his political options are limited but he is currently running for Suffolk County Animal Control Chief.

    Dog

    Hey, you've got to work yourself back from somewhere. I wish him all the luck but it looks like his sexting proclivity is going to get in the way again. I was able to sneak out a pre-release of his campaign poster.

    Wiener Poster

    Anthony, get hold of yourself (NO, not literally!!) I know it's an obsession but you're running out of chances.

     

  • It seems the Catholic Church has been trying to increase it's outreach for new, younger congregates. Not only is it attempting to address contemporary views, it is presenting a more welcoming environment. With this in mind, the Vatican initiated a new construction project.

    Vaican

    Right in the heart of Vatican City, the first ever Catholic amusement park. Why haven't you heard of this? Apparently the park was deemed unsuccessful and destroyed before the first ticket was ever sold. You don't believe me? I was able to retrieve this one video clip before all evidence was destroyed. Judge for yourself:

    This young couple from a secret focus group were the first to see the virtual reality ride "It's a Small World" in "Archbishop Land". Things only went downhill from there. I still don't understand the need for the cover-up. There's no shame in trying, just turn the other cheek.

     

  • Elena Kagan, an alumni of Princeton, Oxford, and Harvard Law School, a former law professor at the University of Chicago, and now the 112th justice appointed to the supreme court.

    Elena Kagan

    How much success can one woman have? But is it what she really wanted? What you don't know about is Elena's soulful, harmonious singing voice and her passionate love for the late 70s, early 80s disco scene. Despite her fathers threat to disown her, she ventured out on her own and launched her musical career with her band "Elena and the Hamlet People". The bands success quickly flourished. Almost a year later, Elena's mother, tears streaming, finally convinced her to visit home. Expecting an immediate confrontation with her father, she found him a heartbroken, defeated man. Music is one thing but family is another. She reluctantly decided to put aside her blossoming disco career and go back to law school. Don't believe me? I obtained one of the only remaining videos of Elena's band performing:

    You should be dancing Elena and you can ring my bell anytime.

     

     

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