Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Wed, 06/29/2016 - 10:55

    There's trouble brewing in north east Canada. Embolden by Britons exit from the EU, a movement started in the small town of Kugaaruk to secede from Canada (Kugaaruxit).

    Kugaaruk

    Mayor Stephan Inaksajak dismissed it as drunken rabble rousing but enough signatures had been gathered to force a referendum. Stephen was also shocked to find out that the movement leader was Peter Inaksajak, his estranged brother. When voting day came, Kugaaruxit was passed with a surprisingly large margin. 52% pro, 48% against, 401 votes to 370 (amazingly there was 100% voter turnout.) Take a look at this cellphone footage recorded at the pro Kugaaruxit campaign headquarters when the votes were finally tallied (notice their distinctive voting day uniforms):

    Stephan Inaksajak immediately resigned as mayor. Peter Inaksajak quickly claimed the title and sealed the deal by taking the entire town to the "Raging Moose Bar and Grill" and buying a round (call it campaigning). When a reporter inquired of Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, about Kugaaruk's intention to secede, he was heard to say "where?"

     

  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Tue, 06/28/2016 - 13:51

    Robert Stephen Beecroft, the United States Ambassador to Egypt was having a quiet night at home playing checkers with his family. Suddenly there was an unexpected visitor. This security video clip will show more than any words could explain:

    Ambassador Beecroft refused to listen until the intruder explained why he was wearing a mask no matter how long the story. The Masked Zookeeper began his explanation, and I quote: "It all began in 12th century Spain...  raising Asturian Mountain Cattle... at the advent of the industrial revolution... (3 hours later)... therefore, if the second son's profession is related in any way to animal husbandry, by tradition he is required to wear a mask." Whew, that was a long story!

    Big Eared Bat

    The bat the Masked Zookeeper was referring to is a sacred Egyptian Tomb Bat. Revered as the divine beast companion to Anubis, the God of the Dead. Ambassador Beecroft had procured a loan of the rare animal to the San Diego Zoo. These bats are apparently protected by an ancient Egyptian curse.

    Mummy

    "Those who desecrate the sacred bat will feel the wrath of Anubis' minions." Of course Robert denies being superstitious at all but why then are the guards now carrying shears and wooden mallets? Possibly to cut ancient wrappings and crush Scarab Beetle hearts? Good luck with those mummies Robert.

     

  • Truthsayer 7

    Wed, 06/22/2016 - 20:31

    Spooky. That was the word for it. Spooky. May 22nd, 2016, everybody in town heard the sounds. Pikeville Kentucky, small town America, everybody knows everybody, one sheriff (Andy), one deputy (Barney), a safe haven in a chaotic world. A safe haven until that night. The town menfolk met at Floyd's Barber Shop to discuss the situation. Otis (known to hit the bottle a bit) swore the sounds were coming from the old Wilson farm root cellar. This was met with derision from most of the men in the room but Otis' next words chilled everyone to the bone. Luckily young Opie recorded the moment on his iPhone:

    What the townsfolk didn't know but what I was able to discover through partially concealed public real estate records is that the old Wilson farm had been bought by Dennis Rodman and the sounds emanating from the root cellar came from just another one of his infamous hedonistic parties.

    Rodman

    Dennis denies this of course but I will always reveal the truth. I can only pity the townsfolk, if they contact anyone in Newport Beach they'll realize the horror is only just beginning.

     

  • Truthsayer 7

    Sat, 06/18/2016 - 16:33

    Sandra Bullock, Academy Award winner, Golden Globe winner, one of Hollywood's best and highest paid actresses.

    Sandra Bullock

    She's perfect. She couldn't possibly have any secrets to hide. Well... maybe one. Call it a fetish, a predilection, an addiction, an uncontrollable urge. Call it whatever you want but Sandra can't resist a telephone repairman.

    Telephone

    That's right, telephone repairmen. She of course will deny this but after sabotaging her phone she can't deny this security tape I was able to get my hands on:

    I needed to edit off the end of this film clip. It got a bit to salty for this forum. There's nothing to be ashamed of Sandra. He seems like a pretty nice guy.

     

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