Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Sat, 05/14/2016 - 10:55

    The Ancient Order of Druids has been around for centuries and continues to thrive.

    Druid Temple

    What is unknown is how this esoteric sect can recruit with such success. Unknown until now that is! I alone will disclose the horror of the forbidden dance. I was able to capture this short video clip with a hidden camera at one of their "Sacred Ceremonies".

    WARNING: This dance has the ability to enthrall a man's soul! Do NOT look directly at the video. Avert your eyes and only use your peripheral vision.

    Oh No!! Did you look directly at it? Quickly, while you still have some semblance of control, splash cold water on your face, run to the nearest Catholic church and confess! A few "Hail Marys" should hopefully lift the curse.

     

  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Thu, 05/12/2016 - 19:51

    Beautiful young Mary Richards had just moved to Littleton Illinois. Fresh out of college, she was beginning her broadcast career at WGNV channel 5 as a roving reporter (she might just make it after all). After reporting on a particularly moving story on how Champ had saved grandpa Walton from a well, she was driving back to the station in the Live Eye Van and decided to stop at the local grocery store to pick up a few essentials. Words might not be able to describe what she saw but this film clip will:

    After a narrow escape, she immediately called the FBI to report the zombie outbreak. The FBI informed the NSA. The NSA informed the URTL (so secret I don't even know what the initials stand for). The town of Littleton was cluster bombed and erased from the map.

    As the cleanup crew scoured the remains of the town to eliminate any remaining zombies, a semi-intact flyer was found. In bold print the flyer advertised "Tonight only at Antonio's Grocery, fine wine and carpaccio tasting".

    Carpaccio

    The cover up immediately went into high gear. Roadblocks were set and the destruction of the town was blamed on a freak tornado. I am now finally bringing you the truth. How could they possibly think these upstanding citizens were eating human flesh? By the way, could I get some fava beans and a nice chianti with that?

     

  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Wed, 05/11/2016 - 13:15

    There have been rumors about the connections between the Clinton and Trump families but these are only rumors. I will now expose the secret that both families have tried so hard to suppress. Years back, Eric Trump and Chelsea Clinton made a run for the border to get married!

    Wedding

    Yes, it's true. Preposterous you say? Try arguing with this film clip:

    Their plans ended when Secret Service agents caught up and dragged them back to their perspective homes. Under threat of being involuntarily committed for "therapeutic emotional treatment", the two parted ways. Do they still pine for each other or are they just two ships that passed in the night?

     

  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Wed, 05/11/2016 - 08:22

    Everybody knows Henny Penny from "The Sky Is Falling" incident but very few know of her failed music career.

    Chicken

    Henny had longed to be a human being and finally her fairy godmother hen granted her wish. What surprised everyone was her excellent singing voice. Shortly after her transformation, an A and R man from Parrot Records picked up her act at The Roxy and immediately signed her for her first album. Here is some rare footage of Henny at her most popular:

    Henny's hit single "Buk Buk Braak" shot to number 10 with a bullet on the Billboard charts and it seemed the sky (before it started falling) was the limit. But everything came to a halt when the Hollywood tabloid "The Barnyard Examiner" released evidence that Henny had abandoned a dozen eggs in her nest (the orphan chicks were placed in the foster coop system). The fan backlash was immediate and Henny was reduced to hanging out in bars and making guest appearances on daytime game shows. There were now rumors of roosters in and out of her hotel room like a revolving door and her fairy godmother hen finally was forced to change her back to a chicken for her own good.

    Well, that's showbiz.

     

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