Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • The wealth of some famous families have been known to come via unscrupulous means. The Kennedy family and bootlegging, the Hearst family and yellow journalism, the Du Pont family and the selling of gunpowder during the American Civil War, etc.

    Money

    But little is known about the source of wealth for the Koch family. Little that is until now. Long kept a secret, Fred Chase Koch, the family patriarch, was an historical site and tomb plunderer. The Congolese ruby mines have been permanently closed as they are the only breading grounds for the extremely endangered (only 117 known to be still living in the wild) Hairy Faced Giant Hog Nosed Bat. Fred couldn't resist the temptation and as much as the Koch family denies it, this film clip shows the gruesome event:

    Such senseless slaughter. I hope he at least had the decency to buy a pair of pants with his ill gotten gains.

     

  • Dr. Arron Spalding, professor of Herpetology at Florida State University loves his reptiles. He especially loves crocodiles. The university has done everything possible to suppress the circumstances of his studies but he apparently let his love of crocodiles go a bit to far.

    Professor Crocodile

    Interspecies breeding is next to impossible but the professor met a particularly fetching young reptile and I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Three months later junior was hatched. Dr. Spalding, being an honorable man, made his mate an honest crocodile in a short ceremony with a particularly open minded justice of the peace. Despite prejudice from both species, the couple does their best to make the marriage work. Their traditional annual family reunion is an example of their resolve. I was able to hide a camera capturing this footage of the time-honored pool party:

    Just like every year, dad complains the water is to cold until junior unceremoniously throws him in. I can hear mama croc in the background. "Stop that horseplay you two, you're going to put your eye out."

  • One of America's great mysteries, the original colonists of Roanoke Island. Sometime between 1587 and 1590 the entire colony disappeared. Nobody has been able to find the reason. Nobody until now! Roanoke Island is now a peaceful, sleepy North Carolina community. They do, however, take Halloween very seriously.

    Halloween

    All the children have costumes and every home is well stocked with candy. Helen Beasley had just arrived in town, the new forth grade English teacher did not really care for children and certainly did not respect Halloween traditions. Her neighbors tried to stress the importance of the holiday to her but she ignored them, a decision she would soon regret. Luckily I was able to retrieve this security footage and escape with my life:

    An ancient curse on the island has controlled the children on All Hollow's Eve for centuries. The sole survivors of the massacre of 1588 was a family who had made toffees from tree sap and sea salt, all others where devoured by the children. The tradition has been passed down from generation to generation. So if you find yourself on Roanoke Island during Halloween, DON'T FORGET THE CANDY!

     

  • Probably one of the most persistent conspiracy theories is that the king, Elvis Presley, is still alive.

    Elvis

    Finally, here exclusively on Odd Conspiracy Central, I will show the proof. Picture a beautiful Greek wedding, the newly weds Salomao and Gabrielle Papadopoulos and their families enjoying the outdoor reception on a perfect spring afternoon. Suddenly a drunken Elvis and his little dog Cilla stumble into the festivities. Unbelievable? Take a look at this film clip:

    Elvis' handlers quickly hustled him out and gathered up all evidence he was there. Luckily I was able to upload this video to my iCload account before they confiscated my phone. As Elvis was dragged from the building, I heard him utter those famous words: "Thank ya, thank you very much".

     

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