Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

Pages

  • Rumors are percolating about new hideous creatures sited around Devil Swamp in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana. A total of 14 citizens and an unknown amount of tourists have disappeared in the last three months. Tensions escalated further when multiple black Escalades carrying nondescript men in dark suits and dark glasses descended onto the Lafourche Crossing Sheriff Department. A total news blackout is in effect but I was able to sneak out this short film clip.
     
     
    Where did these monsters come from? Are they the result of black magic? Are they the result of genetic engineering?
     
    Tongue
     
    This just in: At great risk to myself I was able to acquire shredded documents from a trash receptacle behind the Sheriff station. From these, I was able to partially reconstruct a top secret document. Dr. Heinrich Gerrymander, a, now rouge, bio-engineer for a secret bio-weapons development project created these creatures in a hidden lab. Breaking all safety protocols, he used a combination of bio-engineering and voodoo to clone these abominations from cells he collected from Gene Simmons' tongue. Can these demons be destroyed? Only time will tell.
     
  • Walmart is famous for keeping prices low and one of their best means of doing this is to avoid theft.

    Shopping

    To advance this, they created a breakthrough in security systems using a combination of high-tech cameras and bio-engineering. The new system was deployed at the North Vancouver Supercentre. All went well until 3:27 pm, October 22, 2015, when the security devices became sentient and began summarily executing shoplifters.

    Walmart Execute

    While the panicked shoppers huddled in the aisles, The Walmart defense department was forced to bomb the security system with super special discount vodka bombs (Smurfniks, $2.99 a gallon, great price).

    To remain silent, all customers where given a 24 hour "Super Walmart Free Shopping Spree" but my ethics require me to speak the truth.

     

  • While not exposing conspiracies, I like to relax at the Strike Zone Lanes in Egg Harbor City, New Jersey.

    Imagine my amazement when I accidentally discovered that my Tuesday night bowling league was actually an Ordo Templi Orientis coven.

    Black Magic Bowl

    I was surprised to learn that bowling and black magic have been associated for generations. In fact, Aleister Crowley had a book average of 227 and a certified 800+ series. When I confronted the league secretary with my suspicions she said, and I quote, "Sapientia Sapienti Dona Data". I have no idea what this means but I'm sure it is some kind of black magic curse. My average dropped 20 pins after I challenged her.

     

  • For years scientist have been trying to contact beings from another planet. It has finally happened!!! But imagine their disappointment when the aliens were found to be nothing but a bunch of delinquents.

    Delinquent

    Watch as they try to rip off a police car for a joyride.

    This alien contact has been classified Top Secret but I have eyes and ears everywhere.

Pages