Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...


  • Walmart is famous for keeping prices low and one of their best means of doing this is to avoid theft.


    To advance this, they created a breakthrough in security systems using a combination of high-tech cameras and bio-engineering. The new system was deployed at the North Vancouver Supercentre. All went well until 3:27 pm, October 22, 2015, when the security devices became sentient and began summarily executing shoplifters.

    Walmart Execute

    While the panicked shoppers huddled in the aisles, The Walmart defense department was forced to bomb the security system with super special discount vodka bombs (Smurfniks, $2.99 a gallon, great price).

    To remain silent, all customers where given a 24 hour "Super Walmart Free Shopping Spree" but my ethics require me to speak the truth.


  • While not exposing conspiracies, I like to relax at the Strike Zone Lanes in Egg Harbor City, New Jersey.

    Imagine my amazement when I accidentally discovered that my Tuesday night bowling league was actually an Ordo Templi Orientis coven.

    Black Magic Bowl

    I was surprised to learn that bowling and black magic have been associated for generations. In fact, Aleister Crowley had a book average of 227 and a certified 800+ series. When I confronted the league secretary with my suspicions she said, and I quote, "Sapientia Sapienti Dona Data". I have no idea what this means but I'm sure it is some kind of black magic curse. My average dropped 20 pins after I challenged her.


  • For years scientist have been trying to contact beings from another planet. It has finally happened!!! But imagine their disappointment when the aliens were found to be nothing but a bunch of delinquents.


    Watch as they try to rip off a police car for a joyride.

    This alien contact has been classified Top Secret but I have eyes and ears everywhere.

  • Are the aliens coming? They've already arrived!


    I was able to obtain this secret footage of a devastating alien attack!

    Sadly, after years of effort to translate the alien speech, this encounter has been shown to be a tragic misunderstanding.

    VHS Tape

    The last words the alien spoke were:
    "Wait! Don't shoot! I come in peace! I've been stuck in a time warp sense 1985 and I just want to return this VHS rental of "John Carpenter's The Thing". Can you point me to the nearest Blockbuster Video?"

    The government has done everything it can to conceal this wanton destruction of alien life but I, at great personal risk to myself, bring the truth to you.