Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...


  • This untold story happened at the Alpha Omicron Pi chapter of Georgia Southern University. Nancy Allen and her boyfriend Gary were "studying" in the common room when Nancy saw a hideous face peering at them through the window.


    After calming Nancy down (three shots of Jack Daniels), Gary, Nancy, and her sorority sisters gave chase to the scopophilic demon (it was a gallon of Jack Daniels so there was plenty of liquid courage to go around). It was getting dark but luckily they still had some jumbo sparklers left over from the Fourth of July kegger. One of the sisters recorded this footage on her cell phone:

    They figured this was a justifiable homicide until they found out the monster was actually Toby Robinson. Toby Robinson was a freshman Chemistry major with really bad skin, teeth in dire need of an Orthodontist, and hairy palms (I won't go into how he got those). He had mistaken the sorority for the 24 hour chemistry lab and ran away because, obviously, he didn't like bright lights. Nancy, Toby, and the sisters swore each other to secrecy but I was able to recover this video from a deleted Facebook post. Looks like it's time to face up to the truth.


  • As parents, we must be concerned about the moral choices of our teenagers. This uneasiness is just part of good parenting but be careful not to let it go too far. Take the case of the CCCMTB (Corpus Christi Counsel for Moral Teen Behavior). These parents banded together when the juvenile behavior in the city was becoming increasingly more lascivious.


    The counsel closed the beaches where the teens would do most of their necking (and God knows what else), but the hormone crazed delinquents would just drive past the signs. Finally Big Bob Bullard, a part time magician known as The Great Mysterio, proposed a horrendous solution. This secretly recorded footage shows the result:

    Apparently Bubba Bullard, Big Bob's brother, had caught this strange creature while dragging deep nets in the Gulf of Mexico. Big Bob was able to mesmerize it with his hypnotic skills and force the poor creature to do his will. Parents in the city were horrified. They didn't want their teens having sex but they didn't want them killed either. The CCCMTB was forced underground. Where will they appear next? In your city? Only time will tell.


  • Who better to cover up a news story than a newspaper? The New York Times has done everything to cover up this travesty of justice but I now have the evidence to expose all the seedy details.


    Maria Sanchez, an up and coming modern dancer had somehow secured the disdain of Eli Masterson, the Times dance critic. He attended all of her performances and wrote merciless reviews. Despite his efforts to derail her career, his reviews were ignored and she became increasingly more popular. In interviews, she even had the nerve to refer to him as "the dinosaur of dance". Maria had a performance at the exclusive Club Condor in Guadalajara Mexico.  Eli Masterson attended the show and here's where the cover-up began. She taunted him throughout the performance to the point where he finally cracked. This secret footage revels the events of that evening:

    The senior editor had Masterson quickly smuggled out of Mexico and he now resides at the Hutchings Psychiatric Center. The New York Times denies everything. Try And deny it now!


  • The Blue Agave, the primary ingredient for tequila is highly sought after and becoming scarce. In fact, Jose Cuervo has specially trained security guards to protect their Agave.


    The security jobs are handed down from father to son. There have even been reports of genetic mutations from one generation to the next. The Jose Cuervo corporate talking heads deny this but it's hard to argue with this secret footage of a hapless couple accidentally stumbling upon a Jose Cuervo Agave farm.

    Notice the genetically acquired distinctive morning after bloodshot eyes and pasty skin. Try and deny it now you lying Jose Cuervo corporate misleaders.