Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...


  • They first contacted me at the Golden Nugget Atlantic City Hotel, Casino, and Marina. There I was, applying my fool proof telekinetic slot wheel manipulation to a "2 10 5 Bonus Times" slot machine when the alien made his presence known.

    Slot Machine

    That is where I learned of the pending invasion. With a $500 payoff in my pocket (alien incentive to win my cooperation), I was left to ponder my decision.

    As a completely unreasonable condition of my release from the Ancora Psychiatric Hospital, I am forced to attend a weekly group session with a circle of neanderthals and a one on one session with my ignorant case worker, Dr. Rorschach. In anticipation of this visit, using my excellent editing skills, I painstakingly, frame by frame, recreated my casino experience in this short video clip:

    After relating my story and displaying my incontrovertible video evidence, Dr. Rorschach, in his infinite denseness, suggested "I should continue taking my lithium and practice my anxiety control exercises" (insufferable idiot).

    Update: It only took one week to confirm the pending alien invasion. While withdrawing cash from my local "Super Foodtown" ATM machine, I was suddenly presented the option to "text my receipt to my cell phone".


    "TEXT MY RECEIPT TO MY CELL PHONE"!!! Could the aliens make their recruiting of human collaborators any more obvious? "Super Foodtown" has clearly chosen to become the invader's infiltration storage facility. Will I join the aliens and become a regional supreme leader of the new extrinsic order? It would serve those "El Stupidos" at the psychiatric hospital right! Especially that egotist, Rorschach. The intergalactic troop transports will be here soon! I bet that will wipe that smug smile off your face Dr. "Smarty-pants" Rorschach!

  • The black op "Operation Cephalopoda Miscegenation". Never heard of it? Don't expect to read about it in the main stream media (toadies of the "Deep State")! Rumors are leaking from the upper Amazonian jungle of a cannibalistic, tentacled, bloodthirsty, slime oozing mutant that is terrorizing the indigenous tribes.


    The silence is defining from the CIA, NSA, FBI, IRS, EPA, FDA, USDA, ATF, CDC, the Helsinki Commission, ICE, DOD, USDA, SSGMA (Super Soldier Genetic Manipulation Agency), the House of Representatives, the Senate, the White House, and numerous government agency that have never actually been disclosed to the American people. Do you think I'm just some nut spreading conspiracy theories? Do you think I'm unhinged? Do you think the short time that I was (voluntarily) institutionalized discredits my research? Well try to dispute my evidence now you pusillanimous jellyfish. During a gift exchange I was conducting with the remote Yanomami tribe, 11 year old Bushika gave me access to her iCloud account (Bushika is very modern for her tribe, kids these days...). Try to argue with this raw footage:

    Is this an undiscovered species? A genetic mutation? Don't be an idiot!! I am now officially disclosing the unholy alliance between the United States Government and the Molluscious Intergalactic Counsel (that's what you get you UFO deniers) to establish an interspecies ruling class during the alien invasion. It's your choice, you can be a sheep or you can join the resistance.

    Keep watching the skies!!


  • The little known but up and coming Fashionista party is announcing it's new 2020 Presidential election campaign strategy. Take a walk down the runway with

    The Fuchsia New Deal

    Fuchsia New Deal

    This bold new legislation promises a Lauren in every closet and government funded mascara for all.

    The parties foundation is based on that famous quote from their fundamental influencer, George Hamilton.

    George Hamilton

    "There is no shame in being poor, only in dressing poorly."


  • You won't hear about it in the main stream media, no headlines in your local newspaper, not even a photo spread in National Geographic. Nobody is talking about the horrific developments in the annual Monarch butterfly migration.

    Monarch Butterfly

    I, with the aide of my fellow truth seekers, will now expose every sordid detail of this heinous cover-up.

    Let me introduce you to Sargent Gomer Carter, an unassuming service man assigned to Vandenberg Air Force Base. Sargent Carter was investigating a possible perimeter breach when he came upon a grotesque intruder. The intruder that would make him pay the ultimate cost, HIS LIFE! How do I know this? Always on the watch, my tech team was able to intercept the transmission of this periphery security footage before it was "accidentally" destroyed. Judge for yourself:

    What was that thing? At great risk to our lives, my associate and I ventured fearlessly into the fray (she is being pursued by multiple security agencies from numerous countries for her past whistle blowing so we refer to her only as "Agent 99"). We where lucky to make it out alive thanks to my expert rock throwing skills:

    Now the near impossible research began to find the source of this abomination. Luckily, "Bug Eyes" Norman, a fellow truth finder and amateur entomologist, realized that the location of the attacks lies directly in the Monarch butterfly migration path. With this clue we back traced the migration route where we found a particularly aggressive swarm of butterflies frantically feeding on a begonia patch next to the Pasadena Gold's Gym franchise. The stakeout was on and it didn't take long. After 2 days, we observed gym member Bruno "Pumpin' Iron" Strombowski.


    We watched Bruno hiding his stash of steroid vials in the tainted flower patch. The answer was now obvious. We anonymously reported Bruno to the local authorities. Almost immediately the gym was surrounded by black Escalades. Bruno was hustled into one of the SUVs to never be seen again (Gold's Gym is denying he was ever a member). The steroid contaminated begonia patch of death was covered in three feet of concrete. The threat however, has not disappeared. Instead of "float like a butterfly" it is now "attack with gnashing teeth and razor sharp slashing wings like a butterfly". Why is the government suppressing knowledge of these mutant "roid rage" Monarch butterflies? Who will be next to unwittingly cross their path? Only time will tell, only time and Odd Conspiracy Central!

    P.S. To all government agencies attempting to identify us from our harrowing film clip, false faces where superimposed to protect our identities. You will never block us from seeking the truth.