Recent Conspiracies

Hot off the presses

Newly disclosed, hot off the presses, the most recent conspiracies...

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  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Fri, 05/27/2016 - 11:20

    L'Cultic Cosmetics, a little known exclusive beauty products manufacturer has an invitation only, fashionable clientele. Male, female, rich, famous, especially rich and intensely protective of the company secrets. Posing as a reporter for "Cosmetics Quarterly", I was able to put a crack in the door to this secret organization. I discovered the leader of the cult is known only as the Black Widow.

    Black Widow

    Their most popular product is their "Hemo-G Intensive Care Anti-Aging Cream". Details are sketchy but it is rumored to take 10 years off your appearance with a single application.

    Blue Jar

    Sounds wonderful? I was able to hide a remote camera in the main manufacturing plant. For the first time ever, see the Black Widow and her faithful servant, "Paper Mache Head Man" (his friends call him Pappy),  fabricating this highly desired cream. Do you still think it's wonderful after viewing this footage?

    VIRGIN BLOOD! No wonder numerous young female corpses had been discovered in the area. With further research I discovered that the Black Widow (possibly named Dorottya Bathory) is a distant relative of Elizabeth Bathory. Apparently this formula has been passed down through the family for generations. I'm a hunted man now but at least the story has been told.

     

  • Cat Out Of Bag

    Tue, 05/24/2016 - 11:34

    Relations between China and the United States are deteriorating. Partially because of trade, partially because of North Korea, but primarily because of the construction and militarization of the Fiery Cross Reef.

    Fiery Cross Reef

    Details of the armaments available to the new military base are disturbing but how did the United States receive such accurate intelligence? At the risk of exposing national security secrets, I must reveal the identity of this super agent. His name is Jackie Chan!

    Jackie Chan

    His set of unique skills allowed him to infiltrate the base undetected and gather detailed plans of the entire structure. He was only discovered during his daring escape. This film clip from a high definition satellite feed shows Jackie, wearing his CIA issue wingsuit, evading guards as he beat a hasty retreat.

    That Jackie Chan, he's unstoppable.

     

  • Hide In Plain Sight

    Wed, 05/18/2016 - 12:48

    Tensions between the United States and North Korea have reached a breaking point. North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, finally decided to risk an overt act against his bitter rival.

    Kim

    He called for an invasion onto U.S. soil. The Ministry of State Security (MSS) was called in to choose a location that would guarantee a successful assault. They chose Punta Gorda, a sleepy retirement community on Florida's west coast. What the MSS had failed to realize was that both Robert Blake and John McAfee had chosen this town for their retirement homes. This short film clip shows the result of the invasion:

    You would think the two would be proud of repelling this invasion but that was not the case.

    John McAfee immediately donned a disguise and disappeared.

    Funny Glasses

    He later told Wired in an interview that the North Korean, South Korean, United States, and Belize governments were colluding to frame him.

    Robert Blake claimed he had left the North Korean army waiting in his car while he went to retrieve his other machine gun he had left in a restaurant.

    Blake Car

    Upon his return he insists it was only then he discovered the carnage and called 911.

    You would think this would be world news but the story has been suppressed. North Korea, of course, does not want to admit to their military failure. The United States does not want to admit that the first invasion onto American soil in over a century was repelled by John McAfee and Robert Blake.

     

  • Hide In Plain Sight

    Mon, 05/16/2016 - 00:05

    I travel. I Explore. Sometimes I just hop in my car and go. I especially like the back roads. That's how I found myself in Placerville Idaho. I was tired from a long day of driving so I stopped for the night. Before bed, I stepped into "The Rusty Ax Bar and Grill" for a quick beer. Grabbing a bar stool, I ordered up a pint of Payette Pale Ale and checked out the latest conspiracy on my trusty Samsung Galaxy S6 using that incredible "Odd Conspiracy of the Day" App. All of a sudden came a voice over my shoulder: "You think that's odd? You don't know odd. I can tell you odd." His name was Sean O'Flannery, a grizzled old retired logger. I ordered up a couple more pints and Sean began his narrative:

    It was coming up on sunset, I was checking out one last valley when I came across "The Tree".

    Fairy Tree

    It was huge! I had never seen it's like before. I figured it must be worth a fortune. I pulled out my ax and started chopping. The wood was incredibly hard but so was my will to bring it down. Finally, with one last mighty blow, the tree began to fall. Suddenly I was deafened by screams. They came from everywhere. The forest around me, the sky above me, and the ground below me. As the tree died, so did the screams. There was silence. Complete silence. No birds, no insects, complete silence. Then she appeared. She was beautiful, an unearthly beauty but with such a deep sadness, it sucked the light from my soul. I don't know how but I understood that the fairy and the tree's lives were intertwined. One could not live without the other. What had I done? As I knelt with my head hanging, her soft voice broke the silence. As she slowly faded, she sang her final farewell to her blessed tree.

    I've been searching ever sense, for over thirty years now. I've been searching but in my heart I know I will never find "The Tree" again. I just don't want to admit to myself what I've done. I killed them, both the last of their kind.

    We finished our last pints in silence. In the morning I got back on the road.

     

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